mediapathic

This is a little routine that goes through my head at certain shows.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

“Industrial Music Sir!”

INDUSTRIAL MUSIC?! YOU CALL THAT INDUSTRIAL?! SON THE BEST PART OF YOUR ACT SOUNDED LIKE BRITTNEY SPEARS SLOWED DOWN 400%! WHAT IS YOUR NAME PRIVATE?

“Decrepit Irradiation Sir!”

DECREPIT IRRADIATION? THAT’S THE KIND OF NAME PUSSY-ASS METAL BOYS WHO JERK OFF TO YNGWIE MALMSTEEN SOLOS WOULD USE. DO YOU JERK OFF TO YNGWIE MALMSTEEN SOLOS PRIVATE?

“Sir No Sir!”

WELL YOU SURE AS SHIT BEEN BEATING YOUR MEAT TO SOMETHING CAUSE YOU GOT NO SPUNK LEFT. YOU ARE NOT EVEN WORTH OF A PUSSY-ASS METAL NAME. YOUR NAME FROM NOW ON IS PRIVATE KEINE EIER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KEINE EIER MEANS?

“Sir No Sir!”

OF COURSE YOU DON’T, BECAUSE YOU DON’T SPEAK ANY GERMAN! HELL, I BET YOU NEVER EVEN READ ANY EINSTURZENDE NEUBAUTEN LINER NOTES! BUT I WILL TELL YOU! KEINE EIER MEANS “NO BALLS”! BECAUSE YOUR MUSIC HASN’T GOT ANY! SAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR NEW NAME, PRIVATE KEINE EIER!

“Sir Thank You Sir!”

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO BE SPAT ON BY MONTE CAZZAZZA MAGGOT! SAY THANK YOU LIKE A REAL INDUSTRIAL MUSICIAN PRIVATE KEINE EIER!

“Sir Danke Schoen Sir!”

WHAT IS THAT?! WHAT IN THE SHIT IS THAT?! IS THAT A GODDAMN STROBE LIGHT?!

“Sir Yes Sir!”

WELL ISN’T THAT CUTE. DID YOU BRING ENOUGH STROBE LIGHTS FOR EVERYONE PRIVATE KEINE EIER?!

“Sir No Sir!”

OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE KIND OF PASTY FACED DAVID TIBET WORSHIPING SHITBAG WHO THINKS THAT A SINGLE STROBE LIGHT FLASHING AT 2HZ IS A LIGHT SHOW. I WILL ENLIGHTEN YOU, PRIVATE KEINE EIER, IT IS NOT A LIGHT SHOW IT IS A GODDAMN PSEUDO FASCIST CIRCLE JERK JUST LIKE YOUR SAMPLE OF JONESTOWN IS! YOU GET UP HERE AND PLAY A SINGLE LOOP THROUGH DISTORTION FOR 10 MINUTES WEARING A GODDAMN GAS MASK IN A VAGUE EVOCATION OF CONTROL SYSTEMS AND EXPECT US TO GIVE A FLYING FUCK! WHAT IS YOUR NAME PRIVATE?!

“Private Keine Eier Sir!”

IS YOUR NAME CHRIS CARTER?!

“Sir No Sir!”

IS YOUR NAME F.M. EINHEIT?

“Sir No Sir!”

IS YOUR NAME GENESIS GOD DAMN P-ORRIDGE?

“Sir No Sir!”

THEN YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH THIS HALF-ASSED SHIT! GET THE HELL OFF OF MY STAGE!!!

NOW, FOR THE REST OF YOU MAGGOTS, PRIVATE KEINE EIER HAS EARNED YOU ALL A LESSON. REPEAT AFTER ME! “THIS IS MY ACCESS VIRUS! THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS MINE!”